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Jebus lies!

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10 replies to this topic

#1
alteredmind

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I remember a Christian saying that jesus never lied. If only they had thought about it a bit after bible study.

Edited by alteredmind, 09 June 2012 - 03:07 PM.


#2
Joe Bloe

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Sometimes it seems that he told a lie every time he opened his silly mouth:


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Believe nothing you hear and only half what you see.

#3
Phil

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Well they invented this guy as they went along so it's no wonder.

#4
Joe Bloe

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Well they invented this guy as they went along so it's no wonder.


A good example is a multiple healing event described in these three texts:


Mark 1:32-34 (circa 70 AD)
And at even, when the sun did set, they brought unto him all that were diseased, and them that were possessed with devils. And all the city was gathered together at the door. And he healed many that were sick of divers diseases, and cast out many devils...

Matthew 8:16 (circa 80 AD)
When the even was come, they brought unto him many that were possessed with devils: and he cast out the spirits with his word, and healed all that were sick.

Luke 4:40 (circa 90 AD)
Now when the sun was setting, all they that had any sick with divers diseases brought them unto him; and he laid his hands on every one of them, and healed them.

  • Mark says all the sick were brought to Jesus and many were healed.
  • Matthew says many of the sick were brought to Jesus and all were healed.
  • Luke says all the sick were brought to Jesus and all were healed.


You can see the legend growing as the years pass by.
Believe nothing you hear and only half what you see.

#5
Ungodly

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Super Jeebus laughs at this puny, half-human semi-deity. Super Jeebus has unlimited lives and unlimited superpowers. Just name a super power and Super Jeebus already has it.

This Jesus character sounds like a cheap Middle Eastern imitation of a proper, American deity like Super Jeebus. It's no wonder they put lies in his mouth when they invented him.


http://superjeebus.com/

"Weapons are the tools of violence; all decent men detest them."

--Lao Tzu

 


#6
Joe Bloe

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I followed your link and found some similarities between me and SuperJeebus. For example his poop doesn't stink and neither does mine!
  • Ungodly likes this
Believe nothing you hear and only half what you see.

#7
alteredmind

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I followed your link and found some similarities between me and SuperJeebus. For example his poop doesn't stink and neither does mine!


His poop might not stink but his lies smell really stinky, pee yu

#8
Great Ape

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The whole Bible is a lie. Jesus is a lie. God is a lie. Religion is a lie. The biggest lie ever perpetrated on mankind.
“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.”

~Charles Darwin~
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#9
Cousin Ricky

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The whole Bible is a lie. Jesus is a lie. God is a lie. Religion is a lie. The biggest lie ever perpetrated on mankind.


The whole thing? Maybe not.

Is a fairy tale a lie if the author never intended it to be read as anything other than a fable?

To me, it is obvious that Jonah and Revelation were expected to be read as fairy tales. More controversially, a case can be made that Mark (up until 16:8 anyway) and Matthew were expected to be read as fiction, and only later did people come to believe that they were historical biographies. To compare a modern example, The Da Vinci Code is fiction; it is not a lie. However, a lot of Catholics who cannot distinguish fiction from non-fiction call it a lie. (But Mark 16:9-20 is unquestionably a lie, as anyone can find out simply by reading the footnote.)

It is harder for me to see Luke, Acts, and John in that light, though. "Luke" claims to be writing a history, but there is obvious harmonization going on within Luke and especially Acts, when you compare Acts with the letters of Paul. Harmonization is seen as intellectually dishonest by modern historians, but can we judge "Luke" by modern intellectual standards? Luke begins with a blatant historical contradiction, but is that a lie or an error? John, on the other hand, passes itself off as an eyewitness account, although every non-fundamentalist Buybull scholar knows that it is not. Of course, all of John 21 is a lie, as anyone can find out simply by reading the footnote.

The names Luke and John were deduced by picking apart Acts and John, respectively, under the mistaken assumption that these works were eyewitness accounts. I do not know how the names Matthew and Mark were deduced. Any preacher who says that the gospels and Acts were written by Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John is lying. (I specify "preacher" because they should know better.) Any Buybull that fails to point out that nobody knows who wrote those books is lying by omission.

Paul was blinded by his own zealotry. I am not ready to call him a liar. Certainly most of what he wrote is nonsense, though.

However, 6 letters attributed to Paul are pseudepigraphs. In contexts other than religion, pseudepigraphs are called "forgeries."

Any preacher who says that Paul wrote Letter to the Hebrews is lying. I leave it up to you whether or not to call the sheeple liars when they don't bother to pick up their own Buybulls to check up on the preacher.

Nobody knows which James wrote James or which Jude/Judas wrote Jude. Anyone who claims to know is either lying or reckless (and thus, lying).

1 Peter is an honest pseudepigraph, signed by Silvanus.

2 Peter is a lie. The day it surfaced, Christian leaders knew that Peter did not write it, yet they canonized it anyway.

The priest who wrote 1 John, 2 John, and 3 John does not state his name. It is a lie to state that John the apostle or any other John wrote them.

As for the Old Testament, according to the documentary hypothesis, the Tanakh is a mass of massive harmonizations, although researching these harmonizations sheds fascinating light on the origins of Judaism that you can't possibly get by reading the Tanakh at face value.

Apart from whether or not the original books are lies, most or all of them are full of interpolations. In contexts other than religion, interpolations are called "forgeries."

I do not see gods in general as lies; I see them as mistaken assumptions. A god or a Jesus becomes a lie when it is defended with intellectual dishonesty, which does seem to have been the general rule in Christianity since its 2nd century. A few modern Christians, such as Bishop John Shelby Spong, seem to have escaped the intellectual dishonesty, if not the fantasy world.

Some religions, like Scientology and Mormonism, are obvious lies. Others, like Rastafarianism and the cargo cults, developed organically, and seem more like honest interpretations gone terribly wrong. Whether Christianity began as a deliberate lie or as an organic attempt to make sense of Judaism under Roman occupation we shall probably never know. And the origins of Judaism is a whole other can of worms.

Edited by Cousin Ricky, 14 July 2012 - 03:42 PM.

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“Facts seem to roll off a Christian like water off a duck.” —Great Ape

“How much can you actually doubt something and still maintain that you believe it?” —Josh K, “Alpha and Omega”

“You don’t understand. My crisis of faith is over.

#10
Cousin Ricky

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However, a lot of Catholics who cannot distinguish fiction from non-fiction call it a lie.

...

John, on the other hand, passes itself off as an eyewitness account, although every non-fundamentalist Buybull scholar knows that it is not.


I'm wondering if Christians "who cannot distinguish fiction from non-fiction" and "non-fundamentalist Buybull scholar" aren't redundant.

Edited by Cousin Ricky, 11 June 2012 - 01:51 PM.

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“Facts seem to roll off a Christian like water off a duck.” —Great Ape

“How much can you actually doubt something and still maintain that you believe it?” —Josh K, “Alpha and Omega”

“You don’t understand. My crisis of faith is over.

#11
Great Ape

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Is a fairy tale a lie if the author never intended it to be read as anything other than a fable?


At the end of the day though, isn't the Bible still a lie? Even if some of it was intended to be fable or fiction, the end result is a book of lies. No matter what the original authors intended, today the Bible is viewed by some as the literal word of God and its been so for many centuries.

If I wrote a fairy tale thousands of years ago and that fairy tale was used to found a religion that lasted a couple thousand years, that religion would still be based on a lie. Whether I intended it to be a fairy tale or not.
“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.”

~Charles Darwin~
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