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#48919 music?

Posted by CainEnabled on 01 September 2013 - 08:24 PM

Right now, I'm in bed asleep because it's 2:31 a.m. Atlantic time.
But later this afternoon, I will be listening to Pachelbel’s “Canon in D” and Mozart’s “Eine kleine Nachtmusik,” first movement. Note: the version of “Canon” I heard on the radio had more harpsichord than the YouTube version below. I like harpsichords.

I've also been listening to Pachelbel's "Canon in D", but indirectly :)


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#64225 A Christian Missionary On The Phone

Posted by Joe Bloe on 19 April 2017 - 08:34 PM

I just had a telephone call from a Christian who wanted to talk to me about the role god plays in my life. This is the first time I've had a proselytiser call me on the telephone so I decided to list the main points of our conversation here while they are still fresh in my mind.



I asked him to describe god otherwise we wouldn't know what we were talking about.


He said things like god is perfect, righteous, just, kind, loving, etcetera.


I said that was interesting but how would I recognise god if I saw him.


The Christian said it doesn't work that way. He said god is invisible.


I pointed out that god "spoke to Moses face to face as a man speaks to his friend".


I forget exactly what the Christian said but it was something about the bible having many things to say and it is unfair to pick out just one verse at a time.


I pointed out he had done exactly the same thing to me - quoted a single verse that says god is invisible!


He implied that Christians can do that because they understand the subject better than non-Christians.


Then I told him I wasn't relying on just one verse because Jacob had also said, "I have seen god face to face and my life is preserved."


From his tone of voice I got the impression that he thought I was making it up so he tried to trip me up by asking where that text appears in the bible - book, chapter, and verse.


I told him I didn't know for sure but suggested he could find it easily enough. "Have you got a Concordance," I asked him.


There was a short hesitation and then a very cautious, "yes." (I don't think he even knew what a Concordance was.)


So I told him to look up the word "Jacob" and that would take him directly to the verse.


But he never did find it - so I found it for him because I actually have a Concordance. [Genesis 32:30]


Again I've forgotten his exact words, but he started pushing the idea that I had taken the verse out of context.


That's the thing that really irks me about Christians: this guy had obviously never heard about Jacob seeing god face to face until I mentioned it, and now he was trying to tell me that I had it wrong and he knew what it really meant!


As it happens he never did get around to explaining the context and the conversation ended not long afterwards.


I have a feeling he quickly went to a dictionary to look up "Concordance". I wouldn't mind betting that he thought it was some sort of diabolical anti-Christian device invented by the devil and used by atheists to annoy believers. If so, he will be in for a surprise when he learns the truth. :-)





After I hung up the telephone, this old song popped into my head


Royal Telephone

(written by Frederick Lehman, 1919)

(recorded by Jimmy Little, 1963)


Telephone to glory, oh, what joy divine!
I can feel the current moving on the line.
Made by God the Father for His very own,
You may talk to Jesus on this royal telephone.


Central's never busy, always on the line,
You can hear from heaven almost any time.
'Tis a royal service, built for one and all,
When you get in trouble, give this royal line a call.



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#63639 Today on Tweety McThinskin

Posted by jonathanlobl on 05 March 2017 - 07:21 AM

I hope that his Glorious Orangeness does continue tweeting.  Unless this stuff is widely spread, it would be too easy to conceal and destroy.  Future historians will never believe this weird shit actually happened, unless there is evidence to back it up.  By tweeting, the evidence is saved for the future.


Even I, in the present, can barely believe this is real.  How can the future possibly believe this happened?  Let him tweet.  We need the proof.

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#63239 Flee At Once

Posted by Joe Bloe on 03 February 2017 - 10:32 AM

You've probably heard that joke about Sir Arthur Conan Doyle who sent anonymous letters

to five of his friends. The message said, "We are discovered. Flee!" and one of his friends

immediately disappeared and was never heard from again.



I've just found an earlier version of the story in a Kansas newspaper from 1876:








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#63237 Saint Blaise

Posted by Aging Disgracefully on 03 February 2017 - 08:15 AM

I prefer Saint Blasé. He is the patron saint of not giving a shit. i don't know when he lived or when he died or even what he might have done,   [smilie=giggle.gif]  

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#63226 I just love the cheating pastor stories. lol

Posted by jonathanlobl on 02 February 2017 - 03:56 PM

If religion really made life better, people would steal it.  No force required.

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#63221 Political Cartoon: Feel the Bern

Posted by Frozenwolf150 on 02 February 2017 - 01:48 PM

Just came out with this and thought you might enjoy it.


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#62816 Little Johnny and Mom’s Lover

Posted by Cousin Ricky on 08 January 2017 - 03:20 PM

A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work—not aware that her 9-year-old son is hiding in the closet. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she hides her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.
“Dark in here,” the boy whispers.
“Yes, it is,” the man replies awkwardly.
“I have a baseball. Want to buy it?”
“No, thanks.”
“My dad’s outside.”
“Okay, how much?”
A few weeks later, the same thing happens, and the boy and the mom’s lover find themselves in the closet together.
“Dark in here.”
“Yes, it is.”
“I have a baseball glove. Want to buy it?”
“No, thanks.”
“I’ll tell.”
“How much?”
A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove. Let’s go outside and toss the baseball!”
“I can’t,” the boy replies. “I sold them.”
“How much did you sell them for?” the dad asks.
“$1,000,” the boy proudly announces.
“That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that,” the father says, shocked. “That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”
At church that Sunday, the father alerts the priest, makes his child sit in the confession booth, and closes the door.
“Dark in here,” the boy says.
The priest replies, “Don’t start that shit again.”

H/t Dana (the woman who called The Atheist Experience a few weeks ago after her family rejected her)

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#62778 Good for Ellen!

Posted by Zeff on 04 January 2017 - 08:56 AM

"That perverted homosexual spirit is a spirit of delusion and confusion..."
A believer in a Christian god talking about others being delusional. 

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#62518 It's Xmas time, trot out the crying statues.

Posted by Cousin Ricky on 01 December 2016 - 07:36 PM

Notice how the editor sorted the various events into descending order of importance:


(1) A TV crew with CNN affiliate WVLT spotted something of a miracle amid all that

destruction ... a statue of Jesus -- covered with soot and ashes, but still standing.

It was the only thing left after the home burned to the ground.


(2) Earlier this week Isaac McCord, an employee at the Dollywood theme park, says

he found a partially burned page from the Bible's book of Joel ... McCord immediately

took a picture of what he'd found and posted it to Facebook, where it's been shared

tens of thousands of times. Many commenters took it as a sign from God.


(3) At least seven people have lost their lives in the wildfires that have ravaged Sevier

County and Gatlinburg this week.


Kind of like how on 9/11, nearly 3000 people died, but the Christians were praising their god for saving a piece of welded steel shaped like an ancient Roman execution device.

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#62410 Exorcism school? Really?

Posted by Sammie Jo on 19 November 2016 - 11:52 AM

When it was reported that Antonin Scalia believed in an actual, literal Satan, I was surprised at how many people were shocked by that news. Scalia was Roman Catholic. He was supposed to believe in Satan. I certainly did; in fact, while my final crisis of faith hit me between 2002 and 2005, I was afraid that actual, literal devils were actually, literally attacking me.

Then I remembered, from back during my Catholic days, HRCC corporate expressing grave concern that some Catholics no longer believed in devils. What? I remember thinking. How is it possible to be Catholic and not believe in devils?


I continue to be amused that people are surprised that Christians believe in exorcism and demon possession.

But here’s the real shocker: Some years after I had come out to my mom as an atheist, she thought I still believed in Satan! She was surprised when I told her I didn’t. (It’s taken a long time for simple news to sink in with her. I don’t think that process is complete, or ever will be. No one wants to believe that their son is destined to burn in hell forever.)

The Catholic religion is one micro smidge away from being witchcraft. Think about, praying to statues, burning incense and candles, chanting/repetitive prayer.......

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#62171 Your

Posted by Ungodly on 30 October 2016 - 06:54 AM


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#61735 Catholic couple

Posted by JadeBlackOlive on 05 September 2016 - 09:50 AM

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. They find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into heaven.

While waiting, they begin to wonder if they might be able to get married in heaven. When St. Peter showed up, they asked him.

St. Peter said, “I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,” and he leaves.

The young lovers sat and waited … and waited. Two months passed, and they were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn’t work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat tired and bedraggled. “Yes,” he informs them, “you can get married in heaven.”

“Great!” they said. “But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in heaven?” St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard and looked like he was going to curse. “What’s wrong?” they asked nervously.

“Oh, come on!” St. Peter shouted. “It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it’ll take me to find a lawyer?”


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#61594 Dolly Parton vs Queen Elizabeth

Posted by JadeBlackOlive on 24 August 2016 - 09:10 PM

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.

They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.

The angel said "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."

The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."

The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.

The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushes it without saying a word.

The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."

Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?

"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."

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#61255 ''Hay Soos'' Joke

Posted by JadeBlackOlive on 26 July 2016 - 11:26 AM

Jesus joke


Saint Peter is watching the gates of Heaven, but he really has to go to the bathroom. He asks Jesus to watch the gates for a few minutes, and Jesus agrees. 
As Jesus is standing there, he sees an old man leading a donkey up from Earth to Heaven.
He notices the old man has carpenter's tools with him.
When the old man gets to the gates, Jesus asks him to describe his life and explain why he feels he should be admitted into Heaven.
The man explains,
"In English, my name would be Joseph, but I didn't live in America or England. I lived a modest life, making things out of wood. I'm not remembered very well by most people, but almost everyone has heard of my son. I call him my son, but I was more of a Dad to him -- he really didn't come into this world in the usual way.
I sent my son out to be among the people of the World. He was ridiculed by many, and was even known to associate himself with some pretty unsavory characters, although he himself tried to be honest and perfect.
My single biggest reason for trying to get into Heaven is to be re-united with my son."
Jesus is awe-struck by the man's story. He looks into the old man's eyes and asks, "Father?"
The old man's face brightens; he looks at Jesus, and asks, "Pinocchio?"

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#57876 The buggering Duggars! I knew this would happen! lol

Posted by Great Ape on 17 September 2015 - 06:58 AM

They're creepy and they're kooky, ♫
Mysterious and spooky, ♫
They're all together ooky, ♫
The Duggar Family. ♫


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#64223 Polygamy

Posted by jonathanlobl on 19 April 2017 - 05:34 PM

When ever the pious oppose marriage equality -- they always proclaim -- one man and one woman.  We are told that this is Biblical marriage.  That is -- unless they want something different.


It is amazing how the Bible -- The Buy Bull -- supports what ever crap they want it to support.

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#64172 Happy Bunny day!

Posted by Sammie Jo on 16 April 2017 - 08:00 AM


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#64099 Crazy Old Man Says Crazy Shit

Posted by JadeBlackOlive on 13 April 2017 - 10:08 AM

That guy makes me cringe.

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#64095 Fly United

Posted by Zeff on 13 April 2017 - 07:38 AM

Give United Airlines a break. It isn't as though they beat-up a paying passenger and threw him off the plane!

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