Francis the Talking pope has spoken once again. This time he has altered the fabric of the space-time continuum by extending the super duper powers of an existing spell (Donatum Forgivum) used by sales representatives to temporarily reduce the guilt imposed by the Holy Dogma of Mother Church.
Previously women who chose to take control of their own reproductive organs by terminating an unwanted pregnancy were sorted into the worst possible sinner category, sins so bad that a regional manager or his bureaucratic underling would have to give explicit, special, ultra super forgiveness.
Now, with the redefinition of the Donatum Forgivum spell, even field sales representatives (priests) will be able to forgive those nasty, nasty women that have taken control of their own bodies. The nerve of those brazen hussies!
However, nothing has been said about deceased women who had abortions, later saw a sales rep to buy some Donatum Forgivum, and are now rotting in hell for all eternity, because at the time they confessed their local sales rep had restricted powers of Donatum Forgivum. Ooops.
Pope Francis on Monday extended indefinitely to all Roman Catholic priests the power to forgive abortion, a right previously reserved for bishops or special confessors.