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April 18 (Rapture Day)

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28 replies to this topic

#1
Joe Bloe

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Check the design of this website:

(wear your sunglasses)

 

http://kbwealth4u.com/rapture.htm


Believe nothing you hear and only half what you see.

#2
Aging Disgracefully

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 Hey I could even read that without my glasses on. LOL  So we have only a few more days in our current situation, that works for me!


When my people come to colonize this planet, your names will be on the protected rolls, and you will come to no harm.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 


#3
jonathanlobl

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I-watched-the-video.  Imagine, all the crazy fundamentalists simply vanishing.  It's a fantasy.  I expect it was unduly optimistic.

 

Of course, that wasn't the point.  We are supposed to be dreading their departure.  Still, once the self driving cars come along, much of the trouble should be avoidable.  

 

On a positive note, things would get better quickly.  Prisons would empty.  Pregnant teens would vanish.  General Intelligence levels would rise.  Attacks on school curricula would cease.  Attacks on stem cell research would stop.  Rates of alcoholism and other drug abuse would plunge.  Critical thinking levels would rise.  General education levels would improve.  Medical research would advance more quickly.  Climate denial would cease.  The chaplain corps. would lose it's pushiest, most annoying people.  Other good things would happen.

 

Now think of the funny part.  Laughing at all the television preachers who got left behind.  And the members of Congress who are still here.  What a hoot.

 

Alas, it is a fantasy.


Edited by jonathanlobl, 14 April 2018 - 08:27 AM.

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Minister, Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic (02/20/2002)
"We don't know and we don't care."

Minister, First Church of Atheism (05/10/2008)


"Never trust the clergy!" Jonathan Lobl

#4
Joe Bloe

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Now think of the funny part.  Laughing at all the television preachers who got left behind.

 

I never thought of that.

 

Laughed out loud when I read that part of your post. Made my day.


Believe nothing you hear and only half what you see.

#5
JadeBlackOlive

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We'd take in the cats & dogs left behind.


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Jade  Meeow!

 

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#6
Ungodly

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Just in case they are off by a day or two I suggest Christians immediately starting sleeping out under the stars. We don't want a ceiling and roof to keep you from being taken up! 

If it is really cold where you are, dear Christians, consider using a tent so you don't die of exposure just before Jesus harvests you.  Please, if you do use a tent do not stake it down!


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You can choose to live in peace and harmony with your neighbors, or you can go to church.

 


#7
jonathanlobl

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We'd take in the cats & dogs left behind.

 

Theology aside -- what kind of crazy, false, Heaven; does not have cats to share our existence?  Imagine an eternity without cats.  Yuck.  

 

There was an old Twilight Zone episode.  A man knew that he was not at Heaven's gate.  They wouldn't let his dog in.


Edited by jonathanlobl, 15 April 2018 - 06:44 PM.

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Minister, Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic (02/20/2002)
"We don't know and we don't care."

Minister, First Church of Atheism (05/10/2008)


"Never trust the clergy!" Jonathan Lobl

#8
jonathanlobl

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The Rapture is supposed to be saving people from an ordeal.

 

How come the Rapture is scheduled for after the paperwork for taxes is due?


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Minister, Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic (02/20/2002)
"We don't know and we don't care."

Minister, First Church of Atheism (05/10/2008)


"Never trust the clergy!" Jonathan Lobl

#9
JadeBlackOlive

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I gotta have my pets!


The Rapture is supposed to be saving people from an ordeal.

 

How come the Rapture is scheduled for after the paperwork for taxes is due?

Amazing huh?


Jade  Meeow!

 

Canada


#10
jonathanlobl

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I gotta have my pets!


Amazing huh?

 

 

Eternity without cats would be Hell.  


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Minister, Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic (02/20/2002)
"We don't know and we don't care."

Minister, First Church of Atheism (05/10/2008)


"Never trust the clergy!" Jonathan Lobl

#11
JadeBlackOlive

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My little girls....

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Jade  Meeow!

 

Canada


#12
jonathanlobl

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My little girls....

 

 

Yes.  How could a real Heaven possibly be catless?  


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Minister, Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic (02/20/2002)
"We don't know and we don't care."

Minister, First Church of Atheism (05/10/2008)


"Never trust the clergy!" Jonathan Lobl

#13
Aging Disgracefully

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Theology aside -- what kind of crazy, false, Heaven; does not have cats to share our existence?  Imagine an eternity without cats.  Yuck.  

 

There was an old Twilight Zone episode.  A man knew that he was not at Heaven's gate.  They wouldn't let his dog in.

One of my favorite episodes. Every year over New Years the Sy-fy channel has a Twilight Zone marathon and they show all the episodes. It's a great way to start a new year.


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When my people come to colonize this planet, your names will be on the protected rolls, and you will come to no harm.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 


#14
Ungodly

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There was an old Twilight Zone episode.  A man knew that he was not at Heaven's gate.  They wouldn't let his dog in.

 

Speaking of Twilight Zone the entire series has just become available on Netflix IIRC.  In its day it was mind bending, and the episodes I've watched recently hold up very well to the test of time.


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You can choose to live in peace and harmony with your neighbors, or you can go to church.

 


#15
Aging Disgracefully

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Speaking of Twilight Zone the entire series has just become available on Netflix IIRC.  In its day it was mind bending, and the episodes I've watched recently hold up very well to the test of time.

They do hold up extremely well, good story telling is like that. 


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When my people come to colonize this planet, your names will be on the protected rolls, and you will come to no harm.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 


#16
Cousin Ricky

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A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk behind the gate.

When he was close enough, he called out, “Excuse me, where are we?”

“This is Heaven, sir,” the man answered.

“Wow! Would you happen to have some water?” the man asked.

“Of course, sir. Come right in, and I’ll have some ice water brought right up.”

The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

“Can my friend,” gesturing toward his dog, “come in, too?” the traveler asked.

“I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t allow pets.”

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

“Excuse me!” he called to the man. “Do you have any water?”

“Yeah, sure, there’s a pump over there, come on in.”

“How about my friend here?” the traveler gestured to the dog.

“There should be a bowl by the pump.”

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.

“What do you call this place?” the traveler asked.

“This is Heaven,” he answered.

“Well, that’s confusing,” the traveler said. “The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.”

“Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That’s hell.”

“Doesn’t it make you mad for them to use your name like that?”

“No, we’re just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.”


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“Facts seem to roll off a Christian like water off a duck.” —Great Ape

“How much can you actually doubt something and still maintain that you believe it?” —Josh K, “Alpha and Omega”

“You don’t understand. My crisis of faith is over.

#17
JadeBlackOlive

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Excellent!


Jade  Meeow!

 

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#18
jonathanlobl

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Very-nice.


Minister, Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic (02/20/2002)
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Minister, First Church of Atheism (05/10/2008)


"Never trust the clergy!" Jonathan Lobl

#19
Aging Disgracefully

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That's it!  I hope all of my old dogs get along together, or I'm going to have my hands full when I'm dead.

 

There was a most excellent Night Gallery,  a short lived Rod Serling TV series after Twilight Zone, there were some great ones too.  

 

Hell's Bell's, a loose living hip DJ dies and he is sent to the afterlife, with a great twist.

 

Randy Miller (John Astin, quite funny), firmly enmeshed in the counterculture of the day (1971), in both attire and argot, if a bit old for it (Astin was 41 at the time this was shot), drives his car off a dark highway and dies in a fiery crash. He sees rotating heads of three demons who make silly faces and spout garbled words, then he slides through a sort of laundry chute and is deposited into Hell…’s waiting room. Yes, Hell has a waiting room.

 

There’s a poster on the wall listing all the things one can’t do there: no smoking, standing, littering, talking, etc. “A bummer” of a place as Randy says. He takes out a fresh stick of gum to chew and tosses the wrapper on the floor and immediately a plump woman appears to chastise him for his transgression.

“Lady,” he begins. “Fat lady,” she corrects him. She vanishes as abruptly as she appeared and Randy begins to contemplate what he imagines it will be like once he leaves the waiting room and enters Hell. He visualizes a series of classical drawings depicting various degrees of physical human suffering.

 

Finally, the door to his destination opens and he steps inside…another dull-looking room. But this one has a huge stack of albums that piques his interest. However, the first one that plays is not a period selection of classic rock, but rather something a lot more “square” to his tastes and he can’t get it to stop playing.

 

He notices an older man in the room and is grateful for the chance at conversation. But this man, too, is not the type of person Randy finds interesting, dully discussing such topics as crop rotation.

 

Next appear a husband and wife, dressed in Hawaiian shirts, promising to begin showing him their 8,500-strong collection of vacation slides from their recent trip to Tijuana. Downer, man!

Growing more and more impatient, Randy demands that the Devil show himself and explain what’s going on. He does, in the form of the segment’s writer and director, Theodore J. Flicker. The Devil is dressed in red and has horns, but he’s not nearly as frightful or imposing as Randy expects. In fact, he’s kind of a short, pudgy middle-aged guy in a not-too-convincing costume.

 

Randy wants to know where the fire and brimstone Hell he imagined is. The Devil explains that “Hell is never what you expect it to be. But for you, this is it. It’s a curious thing, but they have the exact same room up there (gesturing toward heaven). You see, while this room is absolute Hell for you, up there it is someone else’s idea of heaven.”

 

And with that he disappears, leaving aging hippie Randy Miller to collapse and writhe around the ground with the knowledge that this is how he will spend eternity—with lame music, a boring old farmer chattering about completely uninteresting things and a couple showing an endless parade of vacation slides. With narration, of course.


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When my people come to colonize this planet, your names will be on the protected rolls, and you will come to no harm.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 


#20
Joe Bloe

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We missed the April 18th Rapture --- but not to worry --- there's another one coming on the 23rd.

 

Rapture Day.png     click to enlarge

 

 

(Fuckwits !)


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Believe nothing you hear and only half what you see.


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