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Miracle Cure Decoder Chart

woo woo woo fraudulin miracle ingredient health fraud woowoo humor

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22 replies to this topic

#1
Ungodly

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I found this on Facebook. You can use it to create a woo woo based headline for a health fraud article/post.

I discovered that, for me, sleeping with garlic on my third eye cures sinus pain!

 

click to enlarge

health-news-generator.jpg


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#2
Aging Disgracefully

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Apparently I am one of the lucky ones, I only have to visualize essential oils on my neck to cure cancer.  And it doesn't even specify if it's  just cancer I might have or if I can cure other's cancer through visualization.


Edited by Aging Disgracefully, 11 September 2018 - 04:33 AM.

When my people come to colonize this planet, your names will be on the protected rolls, and you will come to no harm.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 


#3
jonathanlobl

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I'm taking three of the things on that funny list -- turmeric, ginger and garlic -- on the advice of my Rheumatologist.  That kills much of the humor for me.


Minister, Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic (02/20/2002)
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Minister, First Church of Atheism (05/10/2008)


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#4
JadeBlackOlive

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Rubbing Kombucha in your bed cures cancer.


Jade  Meeow!

 

Canada


#5
Ungodly

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Apparently I am one of the lucky ones, I only have to visualize essential oils on my neck to cure cancer.  And it doesn't even specify if it's  just cancer I might have or if I can cure other's cancer through visualization.

 

I'm putting you in my contact list under oncology!


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#6
Ungodly

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Just the other day I checked the front tires on my car to be sure my chakras were not out of alignment.

They say if your chakra is really messed up you'll see code words appear on the tires like 185R55/15 or Goodyear, stuff like that.


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#7
Joe Bloe

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Just the other day I checked the front tires on my car to be sure my chakras were not out of alignment.

They say if your chakra is really messed up you'll see code words appear on the tires like 185R55/15 or Goodyear, stuff like that.

 

 

I've done a pretty good job at avoiding anything involving "woo", so I had heard the word chakra but never knew what it meant.

 

When I saw it in your post I decided to check it out - oh boy - what a load of crap!

 

In the Wikipedia article the terms "believed to be",  "believed by its practitioners"  and "generally considered to be" are used constantly, while words like "proof", "science" and "scientific" are nowhere to be found. That tells me everything I need to know.


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Believe nothing you hear and only half what you see.

#8
Ungodly

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- oh boy - what a load of crap!

 

In the Wikipedia article the terms "believed to be",  "believed by its practitioners"  and "generally considered to be" are used constantly, while words like "proof", "science" and "scientific" are nowhere to be found. That tells me everything I need to know.

 

It is one of the most obvious cases of bullshit ever. Possibly even dumber than monotheism.

It does serve as an example of one of the basic tenets of my world view - there is nothing so stupid that no human would believe it.

 


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#9
jonathanlobl

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I've done a pretty good job at avoiding anything involving "woo", so I had heard the word chakra but never knew what it meant.

 

When I saw it in your post I decided to check it out - oh boy - what a load of crap!

 

In the Wikipedia article the terms "believed to be",  "believed by its practitioners"  and "generally considered to be" are used constantly, while words like "proof", "science" and "scientific" are nowhere to be found. That tells me everything I need to know.

 

"Chakra actually translates as "wheel".


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Minister, Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic (02/20/2002)
"We don't know and we don't care."

Minister, First Church of Atheism (05/10/2008)


"Never trust the clergy!" Jonathan Lobl

#10
jonathanlobl

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I've done a pretty good job at avoiding anything involving "woo", so I had heard the word chakra but never knew what it meant.

 

When I saw it in your post I decided to check it out - oh boy - what a load of crap!

 

In the Wikipedia article the terms "believed to be",  "believed by its practitioners"  and "generally considered to be" are used constantly, while words like "proof", "science" and "scientific" are nowhere to be found. That tells me everything I need to know.

 

Also short on words like "demonstrated" and "shown" and "effective".  

 

For me, the danger word is "belief" or "believed".  The basic religious vocabulary.


Edited by jonathanlobl, 12 September 2018 - 01:02 AM.

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Minister, Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic (02/20/2002)
"We don't know and we don't care."

Minister, First Church of Atheism (05/10/2008)


"Never trust the clergy!" Jonathan Lobl

#11
Cousin Ricky

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Rubbing the frequency of love on your third eye helps you lose weight.


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“Facts seem to roll off a Christian like water off a duck.” —Great Ape

“How much can you actually doubt something and still maintain that you believe it?” —Josh K, “Alpha and Omega”

“You don’t understand. My crisis of faith is over.

#12
jonathanlobl

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Rubbing the frequency of love on your third eye helps you lose weight.

 

If only that were true.


Minister, Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic (02/20/2002)
"We don't know and we don't care."

Minister, First Church of Atheism (05/10/2008)


"Never trust the clergy!" Jonathan Lobl

#13
Joe Bloe

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Rubbing the frequency of love on your third eye helps you lose weight.

 

 

Whatever do you mean?  :)


Believe nothing you hear and only half what you see.

#14
jonathanlobl

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Whatever do you mean?  :-)

 

I'm fat.  Alas, wanting the quackery to be true, does not make it so.  I lack piety.  That means I'm stuck with reality.  Diet and exercise.  


Minister, Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic (02/20/2002)
"We don't know and we don't care."

Minister, First Church of Atheism (05/10/2008)


"Never trust the clergy!" Jonathan Lobl

#15
Ungodly

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I highly recommend brisk walking.  It gets your metabolism up to full speed which seems to make it easier for it to slow down later when you rest.

 

For me, exercise makes everything better.  Of course diet is also critical.  On days when I exercise harder I may crave carbs later and eat a big meal but somehow the constant craving for snacks is diminished. It seems to be the opposite of what you might expect.

 

The other trick I've learned is that breakfast should include lots of fat and protein, carbs are less critical at breakfast.. Foods high in fat, protein and/or fiber slow down your digestive system because it has to work harder. 


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#16
jonathanlobl

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I highly recommend brisk walking.  It gets your metabolism up to full speed which seems to make it easier for it to slow down later when you rest.

 

For me, exercise makes everything better.  Of course diet is also critical.  On days when I exercise harder I may crave carbs later and eat a big meal but somehow the constant craving for snacks is diminished. It seems to be the opposite of what you might expect.

 

The other trick I've learned is that breakfast should include lots of fat and protein, carbs are less critical at breakfast.. Foods high in fat, protein and/or fiber slow down your digestive system because it has to work harder. 

 

I walk.  I also do qigong exercises and I'm doing the two day, intermittent  fast.  It's working.  It's slow, but it's working.  

 

Weight reduction through the third eye would be a lot easier.  Alas, quackery is not a working option.  At least, not a useful option.

 

I should add, weight reduction is not one of the things that Reiki is useful for.


Edited by jonathanlobl, 13 September 2018 - 05:22 AM.

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Minister, Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic (02/20/2002)
"We don't know and we don't care."

Minister, First Church of Atheism (05/10/2008)


"Never trust the clergy!" Jonathan Lobl

#17
Aging Disgracefully

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Jonathan as a life long fatso, but not anymore, I retired in 2014 and it took me well over a year, but I have lost 67 pounds and I am keeping it off. For the first time in my entire life I am not even over weight at all now. It's a miracle. LOL

 

I walk, ride my bike and use tension bands/resistance training and I also use weights for my arm exercises. Let me tell you I have that old lady flabby arm business going on big time, if I jumped off of a cliff with a sleeveless shirt on, I'm sure if I out stretched my arms, I could glide down much like a Flying Squirrel. 

 

And I have been on every diet you can imagine over the years, I have probably lost and gained 500 pounds in my life time.Sheesh!

 

Just keep moving and no white flour and no white sugar. Also for me, I weigh myself every single day without fail.

 

But there is no secret.

 

Eat less and move more

 

It sounds like you are doing good, and it is painfully slow, especially at our age. Keep up the good work!


When my people come to colonize this planet, your names will be on the protected rolls, and you will come to no harm.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 


#18
Ungodly

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 Let me tell you I have that old lady flabby arm business going on big time, if I jumped off of a cliff with a sleeveless shirt on, I'm sure if I out stretched my arms, I could glide down much like a Flying Squirrel. 

 

Men get those winglets too. If I ever need a skin graft there will be plenty of available material.


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#19
jonathanlobl

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A few years back, I tried the low carb diet.  The only thing I lost was my sense of humor.


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Minister, Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic (02/20/2002)
"We don't know and we don't care."

Minister, First Church of Atheism (05/10/2008)


"Never trust the clergy!" Jonathan Lobl

#20
Aging Disgracefully

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Well have no fear, I think you got it back Jonathan

 

Ha, winglets, good one UG. 


When my people come to colonize this planet, your names will be on the protected rolls, and you will come to no harm.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 




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