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The White Coyote Vents

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#1
The White Coyote

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This is probably not very interesting to any of you but I feel the need to vent and since all my friends are dead I rely on this forum to give me a safe spot to rage. I don't expect any replies. maybe just someone to tell me It's okay to feel as I do.

Years ago I was terribly in love with a girl who I believed was my soul mate. We talked about the future and made plans.  I trusted her with so many things. Events in my past, my dreams and nightmares, my beliefs and faith. When my mom died it was my soulmate that held me together and kept me focused. My mom and I were best friends and I can't even type this without tears. As is my families tradition, many gifts were placed in my mothers coffin. The most precious being from me, our family Bible with a picture of myself, my son and my soulmate all together. I'm telling you this to give you some background as to the trust I had in this young lady.

One day however I came home and she was gone. She said she couldn't take the difference in our age anymore and that she felt trapped. I let her go. It was the right thing to do and I hoped someday she would come back. She never did.

While we were together I taught her the secrets and sacred rites of my people. Things which no one but the shamans and elders knew. One of these was the way to build totems, some call them Kachinkas. Small dolls that have a symbolism and are used as charms and good luck pieces. I do not myself hold much to the beliefs of these little dolls but as many of you know I respect and defend the rites of my ancestors beliefs.

Last week I was walking down the street in a small town near where I live and saw one of the totems in a gift shop window. As you can imagine my jaw dropped and I rushed in to the store. I asked the owner about the doll and she confirmed my fears. The totem was indeed built by my ex girlfriend and she has set up a small gift business creating and selling sacred totems.  There is even a website for chrisake.

I have never felt so ashamed and betrayed in my life. There aren't words to describe my feelings. I am an elder in my Hoykya and I had to tell the other elders. I am being shunned and may even be ostrisized from my Hoykya for my stupidity. There is nothing I can do but wait and see what the elders decide.

Perhaps you folks can't understand the significants of what has happened here and I really don't expect you too. They are little wooden dolls and nothing more. But to the elders they are sacred totems and not to be constructed and purified without the blessing of a shaman and a bunch of hocus pocus stuff I won't bore you with. The problem is, I was never suppose to teach her how to create them in the first place. I broke the trust of the elders and she broke my trust in her to keep the knowledge secret.

Sorry for the rant but I needed to get that off my chest. Never trust anyone. My new policy.

#2
Ungodly

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This is dreadful. She really should be ashamed of herself, more than you.

Your crime was merely sharing something very important to you with someone that was close to you.

Her crime was stealing from an oppressed culture for profit.

The facts speak for themselves.

#3
The White Coyote

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Karma

#4
Ungodly

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Karma

If she were here I would smite her, mightily. By clicking on the smite link under her user name, thus giving her negative karma.

But prolly, she already has that.

#5
lady

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Yes, it was a terrible thing to betray a trust and as you were soul mates she knew exactly what she was doing. If she had not known that it was rather sacred ...these totems...I don't think it would have been so bad.  But having said that.....it would have been an even larger betrayal on your part because you told someone that was not on a deep committment with you.

Sounds like I am going on in circles, but I just know if it makes sense to me, it makes sense.

Going on.......I think it is beautiful that you had the experience of a soul mate.  I never have had one.  Yes, married and 2 kids and we have a lot of wonderful things in common and I lack for nothing.  I suppose one feels soulmatish when it happens.

So let others be harsh on you but don't be too harsh on yourself.

(Even non Xtians do wrong things.)

#6
The White Coyote

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Perhaps, that I never really fell out of love is what hurts the most.

#7
lady

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Cherokee Wisdom

Two Wolves

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on
inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance,
self-pity, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility,
kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather,
"Which wolf wins?"


The old Cherokee simply replied......


.....The One you feed

#8
The White Coyote

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Thank you Lady, I recall the tale. Irregardless of the outcome I am a very lucky man to have met someone who helped carry me across the roughest time in my life. Perhaps it was the reason she came into my life, who knows? Perhaps I didn't make it clear enough how sacred the totems were when we were together. There are so many questions to be asked but I will never be able to. It is the way of it.

#9
The White Coyote

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I was chastised today but not banished. WHEW! Apparently the totems were seen by the elders and it was decided that because the materials used were not all natural, the totems were nothing more that reproductions and therefore not actual totems. I did however get a real tongue lashing and made to feel like a real piss ant for my indiscretion in who I shared my knowledge with. I won't ever do that again and now I have to go see if I can get my tail out from between my legs! :snork_hams:

#10
Ungodly

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:Happy:

I fully expected you would receive a reprimand and little else. After all, your actions, while against the rules, were mitigated by the stars in your eyes. And you never had any malicious intention in the matter. Neither did you profit from it.

Seems like another one of those life lessons us old folks have so many of.

#11
The White Coyote

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Seems like another one of those life lessons us old folks have so many of.


Of course . . . I wouldn't know. :snork_lach:


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