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Christian Wrestlers!?

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#1
Unbeliever

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I couldn't find a humor forum, so I'll just put this in here:

http://www.newsofthe...hive/index.html

At least three Christian wrestling associations are active in the southern United States, staging matches using traditional pro-wrestling gimmicks (angelic "babyfaces" vs. creepy "heels"; the "injured" star who gamely takes a mauling but wins through sheer determination). In one pointed adaptation, the bad guys strap "Wrestling for Jesus" star Chase Cliett onto a large cross in the ring and beat him bloody, but he is resurrected after a good-guys' "run-in" from the dressing room. Wrestling for Jesus and Ultimate Christian Wrestling (both based in Georgia), and Texas' Christian Wrestling Federation, set aside some time each show for their muscular roughnecks to evangelize among their rowdy fans, according to an Associated Press report.


Wrestling for Jesus

Ultimate Christian Wrestling

Christian Wrestling Federation

#2
Ungodly

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This news of Wrestling for Jesus reminded me powerfully of an earthshaking science fiction short story that I found in an old magazine up in the loft of our garage in the days of my youth, way back in the middle of the last century.  This story really affected me.

The story was called The Marching Morons, and the older I get, the more it seems as though the author, Cyril M. Kornbluth, must have been using some sort of a time machine to actually look into the future.

Fortunately the world described in this story, one in which stupid people keep breeding while intelligent people use birth control, would not produce the planet of morons he feared. As it happens, intelligence occurs at random in human populations and is not an inherited trait. The problem is that these occurrences of spontaneously intelligent children are the exception. Idiots like the ones that enjoy Wrestling for Jesus are the rule. So the majority of humans have always been stupid, we are not getting dumber, and we sure as hell are not getting any smarter. We are just dumb asses, and we're a little ugly on the side.

Maybe someday an intelligent species will evolve on a planet somewhere. It might have happened already. Perhaps they are so clever they are avoiding us like the plague. You just never know.

#3
The Force

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When I was in 4th grade at a christian school, we had this group of uber-ripped muscleheads come to our gym and shout a bunch of stuff into the mic about jeebus and gawd while ripping phone books in half and myriad other asinine stunts. They called themselves the "Power Team." At first, that's what I thought this thread was about.

And then I saw that, in a way, it was. After all, we're talking about muscle morons using violence and feats of strength to evangelize to people with the emotional maturity of small children. [smilie=smack.gif]

"1And Jeebus said, 'Go ye therefore and BEAT THE LIVING %^$& OUT OF THEM, that they may know I am lord. YEAH!!!! IN YO FACES, MOTHER%^*#ERS. Amen.'

2And lo, the Wrestling For Jeebus foundation was established that very day, and the apostles rejoiced (except for that weeny, Peter ("The Rock"), who had recently lost a match with his older brother, James "The Rock Smasher").

#4
The White Coyote

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"Ya gotta have a gimmick if you want to be a successful salesman!"  I had a friend who could sell shoes to a snake. He always said that and I think he was right. :snork_lach:

#5
lady

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Reading about wrestlers made me think about cookies  :snork_lach: ..logical.


I can't remember if it was in the church I went to as a girl or maybe a friend's church or home I visited. I haven't thought of this for years and years.  On Easter there were some cookies made that were to help teach or remind us of the Easter story. I vaguely remembered it and then sure enough I found many sites about it. And it's worse than I even remembered..
You cracked nuts...as Jesus was beaten.
You added vinegar to the dough..vinegar given to Jesus
Add salt...the salty tears of Jesus
Add sugar...it was so sweet that Jesus died for us
I guess the cookies looked like a big tomb or something
The cookies are made with egg whites so they poof up and are hollow and the next day you
break the cookies open and they are empty.

Anyway, here is the rest of the story if you want.  :snork_shok: COOKIES

As White Coyote mentioned...you got to have a gimmick.

#6
The White Coyote

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They called themselves the "Power Team."



I REMEMBER THAT GIMMICK! Talk about your steroids! These guys had eyebrows that looked like they were wearing baseball caps! They also had Mullet haircuts! I actually watched them on TBN one night. Powerlifting for Jesus! That was a great scam! Thanks for reminding me of that DS :snork_blin:

#7
Frozenwolf150

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That reminds me of the origins of the Austin 3:16 quote.  From wiki:

In the finals of the 1996 King of the Ring wrestling tournament, Stone Cold Steve Austin beat Jake "The Snake" Roberts. At the time, Roberts was doing a gimmick where he played a religious fanatic who would quote numerous bible verses and preach to the crowd. After emerging victorious, Austin said: "You talk about your psalms, you talk about your John 3:16. Well Austin 3:16 says I just whooped your ass". This quote quickly became very popular and the phrase Austin 3:16 immediately caught on with fans of the WWF (now WWE) and remained a Stone Cold Steve Austin trademark through his retirement in 2003.


Also a couple of years ago Smackdown debuted a short-lived character named "Mordecai" who was essentially a religious fanatic sterotype, walking around with a large ornamental crucifix and condemning the audience to hell.  Pretty damn funny. :snork_lach:

#8
Unbeliever

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We are just dumb asses, and we're a little ugly on the side.


Hey, speak for yourself! I'm a lot ugly!  :snork_blin:


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