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The Rooster

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10 replies to this topic

#1
The White Coyote

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Now I know how much you guys enjoy a good laugh and even though this one is on me. I'm sure you will use the sophisticated decorum and reserved hilarity in your responses, right?

So anyway I found this cool little alarm clock on line that you download into your computer. Instead of a brain racking whistle or gong, or buzz, this alarm slowly awakens you by gradually flooding your room with warm orange morning light, similar to a tequila sunrise. AAhhhh what could be better, right? Along with the light via the crt, a soft melody builds slowly over a 5 minute period, easing you awake the way nature intended. As soon as I read it I downloaded it.

So night before last I set the alarm and went to bed knowing I would be awakened to soothing music and a soft warm glow. Sometime around 2am however, I heard a rooster crowing what sounded like likely a quarter mile away. Not living in the burbs, we don't hear a lot of livestock, so I continued listening again. Sure enough a minute or so later the rooster crowed again. Being slightly more awake however I zeroed in on the location of the sound and found it was coming from an area where there are no houses. Odd? I thought. I listened again. Now my senses were wide awake and keen to everything around me. I listened intently and sure enough Mr. Rooster crowed again. This time however I realized it was not in the distance but coming from my computers 2" built in speaker. I got out of bed and listened again. Sure enough there it was. I laughed a bit and realized I had somehow set the alarm wrong and proceded to correct the problem. I didn't even know the silly program had a crowing rooster.  So, the first thing I do is of course turn on the external speakers. . .

Well, by now the "Alarm clock" has been going for about ten minutes. No light on the screen, just this silly Rooster. Unbeknown to me, the program has been raising the volume of the Roosters crow steadily for the last ten minutes, but because the speaker inside my computer is set very low, the sound doesn't change. I pushed the button on the external speakers . .COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO! Came roaring out of my Bose at I am guessing 100 dbs. All three of my dogs began barking at their loudest not to be outdone by any electric chicken! Ozzy who sleeps in a seperate room begins howling and even our cat takes off down the hall in a gray blur. I reach for the knob on the speaker and miss it with such force that I knock the crowing orifice off the back of my computer desk into the electrical jungle we all have there! By now of course everyone is well wide awake and I am on my hands and knees trying to reach through the tangle and turn off Mr. Morning the Rooster. I'm under the desk, bare ass sticking out scrambling in the dark for the volume control and then Copper my fat Basset Hound decides to shove her fat, ice cold nose in a rather private area temporarily exposed in the heat of battle. The frozen wet orb immediately attracts my attention, I instinctively raise up and smash my head against the desk. Perhaps it was my little girl bloodcurdling scream that got the dogs to evacuate or maybe the show had grown tiresome but they all left rather quickly. Of course Maggie being a puppy was frightened and showed her fear by leaving a trail of pee for me to clean up all the way out of the room. Finally I was able to choke Mr. Morning Rooster and allow the dust to settle. Laying there under my desk in a string of wet pee pee stained carpet, in my birthday suit, my head throbbing, my ears still reverberating with Rooster crows and my rectum likely squeezed so tightly shut that I thought it had fused, I realized something. You should always test new software before you attempt to use it.

#2
Seti

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Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image Made a bit of a cock-up there, eh? What a scary sight for your poor dogs Posted Image No wonder poor little Maggie pee-d herself Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

:fi_lone_ranger:

#3
Ungodly

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It takes a brave, fully mature person to tell such a tale of self-inflicted embarrassment. Honestly it was very easy for me, while reading your story, to see myself in the same situation.


As I've gotten older my need for an alarm clock has sort of vanished, I just wake up, often earlier than I might have hoped. But I can't count how many times a new piece of software has gotten me into some sort of a pickle.

:smt046  does apply though  :Happy:

#4
FlatEarth1024

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"Yeah....they come to snuff the Rooster...oh yeah!"

If you read that story while humming the Benny Hill chase song, it's even more hilarious!  :smt081

#5
Unbeliever

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Finally I was able to choke Mr. Morning Rooster


Hmm...choking the chicken again, huh? Well, thank Hank for modern optometry!  :smt117

#6
Ungodly

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Hmm...choking the chicken again, huh? Well, thatnk Hank fo9r modern optometry!  :smt117


Point for Unbeliever, and Unbeliever is ahead 1 to 0.

#7
Unbeliever

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Dang, I've gotta start proofreading my posts - I hate typos!  :Exclamation:

#8
Abandoned_Mind

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Oh Coyote, that was the funniest most tragic thing I have ever read.  :smt043

Good advice to always test new software.  I have had to fix old software after adding something new.

#9
lady

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Now I know how much you guys enjoy a good laugh and even though this one is on me. I'm sure you will use the sophisticated decorum and reserved hilarity in your responses, right?

AND GALS  :snork_aber:

#10
The White Coyote

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Guys: collectively as in all the people reading my story. Don't pick on me. It was a rough night.  :snork_lach:

#11
Unbeliever

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I've been lately using the generic, and genderless "folks" when referring to people in general, I find I have less anxiety that way, since I don't have to worry so much about all those feminazis  berating me for my extreme insensitivity.  :Happy:


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