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Christianity Just Rang My Doorbell

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20 replies to this topic

#1
Ungodly

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A few minutes ago i was stuffing my face full of popcorn when our doorbell rang. We were not expecting anyone, but I stood up, brushed off the accumulated popcorn from my Hawaiian geezer shirt, and found a thin young lady who was perhaps 18 or 19 years old. She spoke perfect English and began a clearly well rehearsed sales pitch about working her way through college, but not selling junk food, and did I like to read, and look at this book.

I looked at the book briefly until I turned it over and found the word Bible in the middle of a blurb on the rear cover. I told her that I do like to read, but not about the Bible.

At this point I pointed to our sticker on our front door, a cross inside the Universal Circle w/Red Slash meaning NO, and asked the young lady if she had seen this on our door. It's on the outside. She had seen it, but she said that she did not know what it meant. So I firmly explained "This means No Christianity, it means that Christianity is absolutely, positively not welcome in our house under any circumstances". I said it forcefully, but in a calm way and only slightly louder than a normal conversation. My body language was saying "Run for your life". At 5'8" I'm not very menacing in a physical sense, but when I get going on one of my rants I don't hesitate much.

Her face dropped. I thought I saw a flicker of fear, just enough so that she would associate her survival with leaving our property. Then I said "But I hope you have a good night" and I meant it, once she was off my property there was nothing else I required from her. And I'm sure she was a very nice young lady. And she left very quickly.

I don't expect her to come back.

Back at my desk again I discovered there were bits of popcorn in my beard. Oh well.

#2
The White Coyote

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Ya shoulda snuck out the back door a shot her with a garden hose. Either that or told her the only way you would listen is if she were completely nude and doing jumping jacks while she preached.  :snork_lach:

#3
Frozenwolf150

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Nah, only goddess-worshipping pagan religions do that.

#4
Lisa Simpson

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Once, some Jehovah's Witnesses strolled up to my front door. I have a heavy-duty screen door (easier to lock the children inside when they were toddlers) and I watched said JWs contemplate my Buddha statue which sits in my garden, directly outside my front door. I could see them, but apparently, they couldn't see me. After a bit, they finally rang my doorbell. I told them politely that I was not interested in their religion, owing to the fact that I am a Buddhist. Then I said "which should be obvious, given my statue of Buddha in the garden". To which they responded, "we didn't see that." Yeah, right.

This was far more fun than the Mormons I had to threaten with calling the police.

#5
The White Coyote

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I have a giant statue of a toad on my front porch. Maybe I should tell them I worship toads? . . .  then again The don't seem to come around my place anymore. :snork_lach:

#6
Unbeliever

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Once, some Jehovah's Witnesses strolled up to my front door. I have a heavy-duty screen door (easier to lock the children inside when they were toddlers) and I watched said JWs contemplate my Buddha statue which sits in my garden, directly outside my front door. I could see them, but apparently, they couldn't see me. After a bit, they finally rang my doorbell. I told them politely that I was not interested in their religion, owing to the fact that I am a Buddhist. Then I said "which should be obvious, given my statue of Buddha in the garden". To which they responded, "we didn't see that." Yeah, right.


Dang, you mean they just flat out lied? I've never known any Christians to do that!  :Wink:
I think I'd've called them on it by letting them know I was watching them look at it, but then, I'm kinda mean that way. Not as mean as the White Coyote, though, but only because I don't own a garden hose!  :rebel_lol:

#7
Unbeliever

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then again The don't seem to come around my place anymore. :snork_lach:


Hmm...there just might be a good reason for that!  :smt025 :smt045

#8
Lisa Simpson

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The Mormons are the only ones that don't come around anymore. I wonder if I'm on a Do Not Call List after threatening them with the cops.

#9
Ungodly

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The Mormons are the only ones that don't come around anymore. I wonder if I'm on a Do Not Call List after threatening them with the cops.


It seems like it would be interesting to hear the whole story of this Mor[m]on encounter.

#10
The White Coyote

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Hmm...there just might be a good reason for that!



I have no idea what you are talking about? :smt051 :smt102

#11
rubberglass

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I think think... woops the The White Coyote should have just casually got up, gotten a baseball bat, casually opened the door and in a very nice way asked if there was anything he could do for the nice lady.... :Wink:

#12
The White Coyote

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AWWWww! You remember me. I'm touched! :snork_lach:

#13
rubberglass

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:Tounge: Well how could i forget :Wink:

#14
Lisa Simpson

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Wednesday, October 4, 1995 - Two Mormons come to my door and ask to speak to my husband. I politely tell them "my husband isn't home and we aren't interested anyway." One of them says "We were here last Wednesday and spoke to your husband and he asked us to come back."  My husband has zero interest in religion, and if he ever did, Mormonism would be towards the bottom of the list. But that wasn't the only reason I knew they were lying. You see, the Wednesday before, when they supposedly spoke to my husband, we weren't home that day. We were in the hospital, giving birth to our youngest son (more precisely, I was giving birth, he was cheering me on).  He was gone from 7am until midnight. So I tell them this. They leave. They come back the next week, still insisting they spoke to my husband. I tell them again they couldn't have. Perhaps it's because I know Mormonism is a particularly sexist religion, but I get the impression that they don't give a rat's ass what I have to say. They leave. They continue to come back becoming more aggressive.  I consider not answering my door, but why should I have to hide out in my own home? Finally one day, I have had enough. I tell them that if they don't get off my property right now, I will call the police and have them arrested for trespassing. I have no idea if the cops would arrest them or not, but I was getting fairly scared by these two. They didn't come back and neither have any more Mormons. We still get JWs and some weird Evangelical group that buses people into the neighborhood and canvasses the place.

#15
Ungodly

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Thank you Lisa Simpson, that was a great story. Our friend The White Coyote has been known to turn a garden hose on unexpected visitors of a certain sort. So you see, your story is hardly scandalous here.

I think your local police would have sent an officer and he would have gladly helped you to shoo away any evangelicals.

I find that I'm most comfortable if I'm not quite exactly rude, but very clear and dramatic when I tell them that Christianity is not welcome in our house.

#16
The White Coyote

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I found out that another good method is to just beat the shit out of one of them. But excluding that, if you keep a shiny new red gasoline can near the door full of water and start dousing them while screaming something like "LET'S SEE IF YOUR GOD CAN PUT THE FIRE OUT!" Not only will you be rid of them but you will be helping them test their faith! Or if you take a glass of beer and toss it t one they start screaming like it's acid! My old man always liked that one! :snork_lach:

#17
Unbeliever

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I wonder if I'm on a Do Not Call List


Ha! We should all be so lucky! :alien:

#18
Ungodly

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Or if you take a glass of beer and toss it t one they start screaming like it's acid! My old man always liked that one! :snork_lach:


How deliciously cruel! Make sure the beer is stale to begin with, it will get to down right stinky quicker that way.

#19
The White Coyote

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The old man use to make his own home brew and it smelled like it had been strained through a pair of boots anyway. It was one of the few good memories I had as a kid watching the different ways the old prick had of chasing off the rollers. He use to take money out of the collection  plate at Easter and whisper to me "The lord helps those who help themselves!"  :snork_lach:

#20
rubberglass

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I find this thread actually increadibly interesting.  This is becuase where I live not a single person has come around to anyone's house virtually ever(atleast the past 12 or so years I've living there) asking anyone to convert or even learn about a new religion.  I'm either to damn lucky and they just haven't found where i live or something I'm not sure but the way you all talk about the fundys like they harass you; I've never even seen or heard of one except here and bad movies....


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