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Mor[m]ons At The Door, Again

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26 replies to this topic

#1
Ungodly

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We had a pack of Mor[m]ons at our door again the other day.  I answered the door and Joe Mor[m]on starts going on real fast about how clever my little crucifix with a universal red slash NO sticker was on the door.  The young gentleman, Joe I'm calling him, had another equally well dressed young lad we'll call Jim in tow.

He had recognized that the sticker was from the band Bad Religion and was yapping what a great band they were.  I told him that I was not a Bad Religion fan, although I agreed with their conclusion.

It was perfectly obvious that they were a rather small pack of roving Jeebustarians. I did not want no Jeebus, and it was getting close to dinner time anyway.  I made it clear that the logo was meant to convey the fact that we are not interested in any religious proselytizing, and that we especially were not interested in Christianity.

As these young folks are trained to do, they tried to persist.  Joe asked if this meant they were not welcome here anymore, and as I was confirming this for him, Jim decided to play Bad Mor[m]on and ask me, as others have done before, if I meant that no Christians were welcome at our home.  I gave my stock reply "Not if they want to talk about religion".

So now, just when they should have been pissing off, Joe sticks his hand out to shake hands.  I shook his hand and Jim's too. Then they finally did leave.

I felt much less pissed off then I usually do after one of these incidents.  It seemed they caught on real quick that they were not going to get very far with me.

#2
The White Coyote

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Some guys have all the luck. Ever since my little beer baptizing episode I haven't seen hide nor hair of the little doorbangers. I have a squirt gun full of whisky all primed and ready for combat, plus I got a new hose sprayer that delivers a stream 30'.

Did you have to wipe the oil off your hand after you shook theirs? Yuk, mormon hands, brrrr!

#3
The White Coyote

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When religious people come to my door, I tell them I am not interested
and that usually stops them.  If they persist, then I tell them "I don't
want to talk about this".  That ends the conversation.


That's just what I do! However if you sneak around back and soak em down with the garden hose it more or less insures that they won't visit again.

#4
Ungodly

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Did you have to wipe the oil off your hand after you shook theirs? Yuk, mormon hands, brrrr!


Actually I had just stocked up on coconut oil hand soap the day before, so I washed my hands immediately, yes.

#5
Unbeliever

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I felt much less pissed off then I usually do after one of these incidents.  It seemed they caught on real quick that they were not going to get very far with me.


Yeah, but they know where you live!

#6
Ungodly

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Yeah, well, there is a garden hose 4 feet from the front door....

I could always, "pull a Thinker" on them.

#7
Frozenwolf150

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Just tell them that the red slash sign with the cross in it means that no pagan Roman symbols of torture/execution are allowed on the premises.  Either that, or you can put an inverse cross on your door to trick them into thinking it's a Satanic symbol (it's actually a Christian symbol known as St. Peter's Cross, believe it or not).

What Storybook said.  I usually just say, "No thank you," and that does the trick.  In my neighborhood there's a 1 in 4 chance that they'll accidentally knock on the door of a Jewish family, so they really can't get away with pushing it if someone refuses.

#8
The White Coyote

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I usually just say, "No thank you," and that does the trick.



Holy shit! In my neighborhood that's like an open invitation! We are suppose to be so "tolerant" and all that BS up here in Washington but that actually means the damn fundys aren't afraid of getting pushy. I just get so tired of all the crap. Even if you say "no thank you" they end up shoving their liturgical feces in the crack of the door. It offends me, and that is not a very good thing to do.

#9
Frozenwolf150

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Well, I also keep an aluminum bat and a length of steel chain beside the coat rack just inside the doorway.  Not that this has anything to do with religious proselytes.

However, there is something to be said for those door peepholes.  If it looks like someone I don't know, I only open the door a crack, especially if they're dressed up like preppies and wielding religious literature.  If I can tell that it's not someone I want to deal with, I just ignore them and go back to doing whatever I was doing.

#10
Unbeliever

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Even if you say "no thank you" they end up shoving their liturgical feces in the crack of the door. It offends me, and that is not a very good thing to do.


yeah, as the big green guy said, "Please don't make me angry - you wouldn't like me when I'm angry!"
:Wink:

#11
Ungodly

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Nobody better go sticking their head in my door after I've told them to leave.  I may be opposed to war, but I do support the legitimacy of the concept of private property, including my own.

#12
The White Coyote

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Well, I also keep an aluminum bat and a length of steel chain beside the coat rack just inside the doorway.  Not that this has anything to do with religious proselytes.


Oh sure, here we are having a nice conversation about doorbangers and you start talking about your sex toys. :snork_lach:

#13
Unbeliever

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Well, I also keep an aluminum bat and a length of steel chain beside the coat rack just inside the doorway.  Not that this has anything to do with religious proselytes.


Oh sure, here we are having a nice conversation about doorbangers and you start talking about your sex toys. :snork_lach:


Maybe he invites the doorbangers in to engage in a bit of debauchery? If he'd said he has a golf club by his door, I could've said "fore"-play, instead of debauchery. lol

#14
FlatEarth1024

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I find my desire to play with the Have Bible, Will Travel crew gets shorter the older I get.  Now, they get one "I'm not interested, thanks." followed by a door slam.  Thats all.  Talk to the door...maybe you can save my address plaque's immortal soul.  I'm no longer listening.

#15
Ungodly

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I find my desire to play with the Have Bible, Will Travel crew gets shorter the older I get.  Now, they get one "I'm not interested, thanks." followed by a door slam.  Thats all.  Talk to the door...maybe you can save my address plaque's immortal soul.  I'm no longer listening.


Is it a nice address plaque?  Metal, perhaps?  I'm imagining brass with a large serif font, something like a bank might use, formal.

#16
FlatEarth1024

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Talk to the door...maybe you can save my address plaque's immortal soul.


Is it a nice address plaque?  Metal, perhaps?  I'm imagining brass with a large serif font, something like a bank might use, formal.


Posted Image

#17
Ungodly

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Oooh, that's lovely Squire!

#18
The White Coyote

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Jesus Steve! You put that up and they'll think a couple of queers live there! :snork_lach: :snork_lach:

#19
Lisa Simpson

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10:30 am. An older woman rings my doorbell and tries to hand me a flier about the Crucifiction. I tell her I'm an  Atheist. She leaves.

10:45 am. Younger woman rings doorbell, also tries to hand me flier. Same response.

If it happens again, I'm going to be pissed. They're like locusts swarming my neighborhood.

#20
Ungodly

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I had 2 elderly folk ring the doorbell yesterday. They were so old and white-haired that I chose to refrain from threatening them with bodily harm, but it may have crossed my mind.  I just said "I'm not interested" and shut the door very quickly. I may have been on the cusp of being rude, but I think I showed remarkable restraint.

I will not divulge my atheism to these 3-dimensional trolls, but I do sometimes say "I am overtly hostile to your religion" and I say it kind of mean too, as if I was a Repugnican - very mean.


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