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Darwin Awards


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#1
lady

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DARWIN AWARDS



1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the Honorable Mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company suspecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer: $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

****** A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

#2
Unbeliever

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There are some really stupid people in this ol' world, huh? Number 4 might make a hilarious movie!

#3
Ungodly

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10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.


Imagine if this thief had friends who were hippies.  They might have asked him "Wow man, where did you get this shit?"

#4
Jinny the Squinny

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People are stupid, of course. Only one of those tales, though, is actually verifiably true. Getting lectures on checking your facts from a Christian? You should all be ashamed... ;-)

http://www.snopes.co...sh/darwin05.asp

Did anyone actually just read the list and think they were all true stories? I'm perturbed.

#5
lady

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People are stupid, of course. Only one of those tales, though, is actually verifiably true. Getting lectures on checking your facts from a Christian? You should all be ashamed... ;-)

http://www.snopes.co...sh/darwin05.asp

Did anyone actually just read the list and think they were all true stories? I'm perturbed.


Be thou not perturbeth.  I thought they were all true.  I swear on the Bible.

#6
The White Coyote

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So many of these funny stories are nothing more than the old urban legends. I hae heard many of them in one form or another ever since I was a kid. There are all kinds of "Stupid Criminal" "Sranger than Fiction" and "News of the Weird" columns that it is difficult to tell the real from the made up stories. I take them all at face value and even if they aren't true they are still funny. What is really comical though is that it isn't that hard for us to believe some of these happened because there are people out there that are that dumb!

Recently a woman on the show "Who wants to be a Millionaire" was asked "Which is larger. An Elephant or the Moon?" Not only did she get the answer wrong, but she burned up two of her lifelines doing so.

#7
Ungodly

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... asked "Which is larger. An Elephant or the Moon?" Not only did she get the answer wrong, but she burned up two of her lifelines doing so.


Jinny, guilty as charged.  I've actually met the nice couple that does the Snopes site, Barbara is very friendly, and I'm sure neither she nor her husband can help being heterosexual.

WC, Umm, you didn't say what the correct answer was.  I hate cliffhangers, man.

#8
Unbeliever

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The correct answer might depend on just exactly which moon, and which elephant are being considered. Some moons are very small, while some elephants are very large, like the pink one who lives under the olive tree in your front yard.

#9
Ungodly

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The correct answer might depend on just exactly which moon, and which elephant are being considered. Some moons are very small, while some elephants are very large, like the pink one who lives under the olive tree in your front yard.


Pinky appreciates your reverence and obvious faith in Her!  What a guy that UB is!

#10
Frozenwolf150

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The Darwin Awards website itself also typically has a system for checking on the accuracy of stories.  Those in the "Urban Legends" subcategory have been identified as made-up.  Many stories are pending.  A few have been confirmed with actual news sources, and are marked as "Confirmed True by Darwin".

For example, the famous story about the guy who killed himself by strapping a JATO engine to his car was proven to be a myth.


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