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Weird Story du Jour

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16 replies to this topic

#1
Ungodly

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An Iraqi citizen going through airport security screening at Los Angeles International Airport was found to have wires leading into his rectum that connected to a magnet also located in that deep, dark, body cavity.

Okay.  Um.  I suppose as long as it was his rectum he could put whatever he chose in there, but really, moron of the day or what?

It's unknown if the gentleman had succumbed to some sort of new age woo woo faux health claims about secret healing properties of magnets, or if he was simply a nutter.  There is a difference.  We're voting nutter.

Displaying amazing competence, the TSA screeners discovered this gentleman's secret magnet cache during a routine body cavity examination.

Since everything that happens at LAX always has idiotic repercussions, the clever security folks let the plane the nutter never boarded take off with the nutter's luggage onboard.  Once the plane was airborne somebody remembered that passenger luggage is nay supposed to be on a plane if the passenger has been detained.  So the Philadelphia bound flight was forced to land at Lost Wages, where no additional magnets were found.

Something stinks about this story.

#2
Unbeliever

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I'm sure the fellow was following a doctors orders to keep his prostate from enlarging and becoming cancerous. Either that, or he's just a nutter. I'm voting nutter!  :snork_lach:

#3
Ungodly

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I wonder what his excuse was for the magnet up his ass?


Consider though, if it was his magnet and his rectum it should not be a problem until you go through a METAL DETECTOR!  Perhaps the magnet was too close to the good gentleman's scrotum, causing him to become the sort of person described as "numb nuts".

#4
Frozenwolf150

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Sounds like he was trying to attract the wrong kind of attention.

#5
Ungodly

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Passenger jets do some powerful acceleration when they are taking off.  That might have been interesting too.

#6
The White Coyote

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This entire story makes my head hurt. I am going to go swallow a couple of cell phone batteries and a quart of lysol. :snork_lach:

#7
Lacy

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I wonder how big the magnet was... :rebel_huh:

#8
Ungodly

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I wonder how big the magnet was... :rebel_huh:


Hi Lacy!  Welcome!

#9
Unbeliever

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I wonder how big the magnet was... :rebel_huh:


Oh boy, I bet it was humongous!

I wonder what the wires were for?

Hi Lacy! 

[move]:smt026  :smt006 :smt039 :smt026[/move]

#10
The White Coyote

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Hi Lacy! The White Coyote says Hi too! Arf! :snork_lach:

#11
Lacy

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Hello everyone! Hold on a sec.....I have to dig the magnet out of my...hehe.  :snork_lach:

#12
The White Coyote

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This reminds me of an experiment this kid tried when I was in high school. He took a glass bead and tied a long piece of monofilament to it and swallowed it. The idea was he wanted to see if he could have the bead and string pass all the way through his digestive system and then pull the rest of the string out of his ass. Don't ask me why. All I remember was he ended up having to pull the bead back out his mouth and I remmber there was a lot of pot and laughter involved. God how I loved the 60s!

#13
Ungodly

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God how I loved the 60s!


Then there was a time back in 1967 when I hitchhiked from Pennsylvania to San Francisco.  It was the summer of love.  Some of the truck drivers that picked me up hitchhiking were very friendly too. Overtly friendly.

Then 1968 came around and it was the summer of beating hippies with nightsticks in Chicago.

In August 1968 I had my own personal Alice's Restaurant Massacree, in 4 part harmony.  With the 8 by 12 photos with the circles and arrows, and a paragraph on the back of each one.

Aye, them were the days.

EDITED: to add wikipedia link for the young 'uns that have no idea what I'm talking about.

#14
Unbeliever

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Sounds like he needed a laxative!

#15
Unbeliever

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There are always some really weird stories at Bonehead of the Day. Scroll down to the one titled "Giving a Call Back", about a 3rd of the way down the page - it's a good lesson on how to deal with telemarketers!  :Happy:

#16
Ungodly

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Your timing with this telemarketer humor actually amazes me.  Honest, I swear to random galactic events that it was just this morning that I went freakin' thermonuclear on a fukkin telemarketer and then gave a double dose to his supervisor.

I mean I was sittin' here, just minding my own business and harshly ridiculing the idiotic religion that is dominant in my sociopolitical environment when the old Electric Telephone rings.  Since it was Saturday I assumed it was not a business call for my lovely husband and I answered the phone.

It was a tape recorded message telling me that I had "won" a vacation blah, blah, blah press 9 for more details.  Now our home phone number is listed under the US federal gummint don't you fukkin dare call list, so I was pretty pissed. I was very pissed. I hate despise and utterly wish for harm to befall telemarketers. It is the only profession that is slimier than politicians, well, except for priests.

So I literally started yelling at the top of my lungs and telling this chump that he had just committed a fvederal crime by calling me, and that I wanted his details to give to the police.  I swear this is a true story.

So the guy gets really scared, and he puts his supervisor on, and I ask the guy for the name of the company he works for.  This supervisor seems to have a foreign accent consistent with subcontinental India.  He gets defensive. I say " What, you want to fucking sell me something but you won;'t tell me who you are?"

By this time my husband has come rushing in from the garage because he hears me yelling and screaming at this fucktard.

Anyway, I screamed about a half dozen more obscenities at him, then I hung up.

Then I ordered Caller ID with anonymous call blocking from Verizon.  And then I ordered 3 new phones with caller ID.  And this all just happened this morning.  So I really enjoyed that "Giving a Call Back", thank you very much!

PS:  Our answering machine has the following outgoing message, in my voice "Hi! You have reached the Mandatory Prison Terms for Telemarketers Foundation. If you are a telemarketer press 5 for a 5 year prison term, or press 7 for a 7 year prison term. If you are a human being please leave a message. BEEP"

#17
Unbeliever

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I'm glad i could bring a smile to your face, Steve! Not having a phone saves me from being hassled by those chumps, but I thought the audio at BotD was hilarious. I was actually thinking of TWC when I posted it, thinking he'd get a real kick out of it. I don't know when it was posted at BotD, but I came across it just before I brought it here. Interesting timing, maybe the Devil made me do it! Or not.  :snork_tele:


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